No (Stupid) Questions

“Did (s)he just go there?”

When we mentally gasp and ask ourselves that question when listening to conversations, we know whatever comes next is going to be revealing.

The true pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is when the interviewee, responds with honesty and vulnerability, or courage and calm, and who doesn’t clam up and hide their answer like a pearl in an oyster’s shell.

If it is the former response, it’s easy to think the interviewer is incredibly comfortable on the peripheries of their comfort zone, but I guarantee that muscle is only able to wedge the doors open from it because of a lot of practice, and they ask with empathy.

Our safety-seeking limbic brain protects us from sharp teeth and encourages us to stay in the cave, but how we will survive from in there with no food? Curiosity doesn’t kill a large proportion of cats, it actually makes them more intelligent and able to walk on their hind legs, look at puss-in-boots.

If you feel the rumbles of a question that may slice to the heart wanting to slip from your mouth, ensure it is asked with empathy, ensure you consider their situation and emotions towards it first. One way to introduce the question is to say “I can see your passion around the topic of X, you are very strong to be able to have handled it as well as you have, I’m curious to know if xxxx …..?”

You will activate their strength by recognising and sharing it with them; defences will drop more easily, and you will be able to consume their insights and learn from them.

All we want in life is connection and progress; if we connect with those around us more sensitively, we can learn more and progress further.

Who and how will you try this this week?